Bittersweet

1/1/11 this would have been Mom and Dad's 55th Wedding Anniversary today and Mom' s parents anniversary, too.  Used to be I could have told you how many years for Gram and Grandpa, but the things that seem to slip out of my brain these days. Sarah turned 25 years old yesterday, my youngest is a quarter century, where has the time gone. 

I got to finish 2010 sick in bed with a virus, down and out for two days and slowly getting back on my feet today, but laying in bed last night allowed me time to remember past New Years Eve's and  my thoughts and memories are like the crumbs on the floor being swept into the dust pan, all jumbled together but all there. 

I owe a number of  family and friends updates or responses to a note or calls wanting to know how mom is doing and things are going for all of us, it's easier to keep running than to put this into words, words make it real, really real.  So it's time to get back to this and clear my head and my heart cause it is a jumble. 

Bittersweet, that is this best word I can think of to describe my thoughts these last few weeks, "it's the most wonderful time of the year", causes me to take a deep breath when I think or hear it but it's the drumbeat in my head and the way it is stuck there, I got it Dad, I got the message and it was and is. Family, friends, laughing, food, fun, tears, shared memories, waiting for Santa, presents and you Dad, always sitting back and watching, I think it was your Christmas movie for you each year. I enjoyed that this year, too watching Nick open his gift that I thought so long and hard about, to find something a teenager would really like and it worked he opened that gift and said "this is sick" which means it is good and it was.  Santa did come to visit this year wasn't sure if he would but there he was kinda looked a little like our Brian, well maybe a lot and it was good.  I was taking care of my crew for Santa's Christmas Eve Bag and made sure to pick-up something for me and to my surprise I got two packages. That second package, oh that second package, that someone wrapped so carefully just for me and right on top when I opened it was you, lottery tickets and a puzzle book, he takes really good care of me and I need to remember that he misses you, too, you were his best friend and he hurts like I hurt and he has memories like I do. But getting back to the bittersweet, I looked it up to make sure it really described my thoughts and it does, pleasant or happy  tinged with sadness or pain.

From the stories I have heard and the history I have lived my Mom and Dad, fifty five years ago today was a really good party and the start of a new chapter in their lives so Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad and as always Happy New Year and yes they were some really good times......