Story Telling

February 28, 1975.....thirty-six years ago today we lost Grandpa, Mom's Dad- late the day before we got word from Roswell that it was not going to be much longer for him to be with us. The weather that night was not good, not good at all and Dad drove back from Roswell to pick me up to bring me to the hospital so I could tell him good-bye, at that time, being a sixteen year old, I didn't think about the consequences or the what ifs regarding the driving conditions, but there was Dad ready to take me with not a word or sign of irritation.  I don't remember if we talked, I don't really remember the ride except for the turn on the 400 at Jamison, road what road? But we got to Roswell and I got to see my Grandpa for one last time. Those are the kind of things that a parent doesn't get awards for and I don't really know if I thanked him, numb was the feeling of that time but I can look back and see the example that Dad gave me on parenting.  I do not mean to imply that he was a Saint, Dad was human, very human but he did the best he could for us and was there for us doing the simple things to try and make us happy or make it easier for us.

These next few weeks are not real happy times coming up to remember, today Grandpa and March 15th was when we buried Grandma. But glimmers of good things do shine through, like a phone call as we left the church letting us know we would be grandparents,  Dad's surgery was March 2nd and his stroke was March 3rd.  I was blessed enough to be able to tell my Grandpa, my Grandma and my Dad good-bye. Dad lost his parents in a car accident, they never knew most of their grandchildren they didn't get to finish raisng their family even. From what I think I know they were killed instantly in the accident and I know Dad was the one that got the phone call. I don't really know when they died because Dad didn't talk anout it. I think he didn't talk about it because the hurt was unbearable. He didn't really talk about Korea untill the boys joined the military and then he talked with them about it. I know I look at my husband and my children and I wish, I so wish that my Grandpa was here to meet them and I do tell him about my crew. I can only imagine how it felt for Dad to have that gaping hole but he treated Grandma and Grandpa Heinz like they were his parents, too. 

I have snippets of information about Grandma and Grandpa Lucas and I'm hoping to get to know them better I have some of the stories of Dad's youth but I want more. In writing this I have gotten more snippets and I cherish these more than anyone can know. 

I am also blessed in getting to share with others memories and experiences of their loved ones, I don't write this thinking that I am the only one to have experienced this loss but I have found in writing this it helps to clear my head and lighten my heart and open a path where my friends and family can share.  This journey is one that we all are or will travel but don't share that easily and it helps me and I hope you to share this.  We all have a story to tell and it is important that we take the time to tell it.

March 2nd

I'm on a countdown to March 2nd.....I keep looking at the calendar and thinking about the days that have been and what is to come.  I am afraid that I am counting on something happening that will get me moving forward.........four more till the 2nd and what happens then? Been doing taxes for Dad's clients and coming across his writing, I would know his writing in a pile of papers and I love that it is so distinctive and then I think of Dad signing a paycheck of his and going to their bank and the bank not wanting to cash his check as they said it was not his signature....Mom always signed Dad's checks, Dad's  expression had to be priceless.....anything or nothing triggers these memories and at times I can embrace them and at times they are over whelming but in either case I am afraid to lose them because if they go what happens next?